


See You Again

by lilrei



Series: Sleepy Eyes and Boney Knees [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: BACK AT IT AGAIN, Bands, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 11:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10017347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilrei/pseuds/lilrei
Summary: Another chapter from the Break Me Down universeJean's always been the one to say everything, words just come easy to him. But when his band goes on tour for three weeks, he really notices the gap in their feelings.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking I might do some more in this AU but idk, this story came to mind a looooong time ago but I'm just now finishing it lol

A Month before the final chapter (Dated for a 5 months)

 

 

Eren wasn’t someone you could keep things from for very long. Eventually he just kinda sensed that something was off and bothered you until you spat it out. The first time he got me to admit that I had a problem was near the end of the semester. For a whole month, it was like he couldn’t catch me without a cigarette in my mouth or my nails between my teeth. I was so used to just waiting the bad feelings out that when Eren noticed, it caught me off guard a bit. He wanted to know. He wanted to help me get past it. He was there for the long-haul.

I stretched my arms high above my head and yawned. My back cracked and I made a little whimpering noise before throwing my legs off the side of the bed. The thick, warm comforter that had been covering them slid off. Hair on my legs rose as goosebumps broke out across my skin.

“Don’ go”.

Eren’s grabby hands appeared from the mound of blankets he was wrapped in. His warm fingertips dragged down my bare back making me shiver. When his floppy-haired head poked out from under a dark pillow, he squinted at me sleepily.

“‘M not”, I laced our fingers together.

Eren just narrowed his eyes at me further before dragging himself from underneath his warm covering. He was still skeptical of me staying put since the first time I stayed the night, I left as soon as I woke up. When the sun had filtered into his bedroom, I’d woken up in his arms feeling uneasy so I grabbed my stuff and bolted out the door. I even forgot my contacts in his bathroom. I still couldn’t come up with a valid excuse even if I tried, it wouldn’t mean anything anyway. I was still scared as hell; it didn’t matter how long we’d dated. 

“C’mere”, Eren tugged at me.

He’d come all the way out of his blanket, exposing his bare chest. 

Rough, calloused hands smoothed over my waist until Eren was comfortably pressed against my back, nosing at my neck. I sighed and covered his arms with mine, tilting my head to let him mouth at my warm skin. Eren’s warm fingertips traced little shapes over my hips.

“I’m not leaving Eren”, I reassured him again. 

“But you’re leaving tomorrow”, his chin rested on my shoulder.

My eyes fluttered open, his words interrupting my warm thoughts. I’d ended up telling Eren about my band’s summer tour in not quite the best way two days ago and he hadn’t taken it very well.

“It’s not like I’m moving away or nothin’”, I leaned back against him.

Eren’s soft hair tickled the side of my neck as he nuzzled into my shoulder. His arms dropped from around me and I shivered at the cold.

“Yeah…”, he breathed lying back against his pillow.

Brown locks framed his boyish face as he pouted at me. His hair was getting so long that at times it reached past his eyebrows and got in his eyes. I just smirked and leaned down to press my lips gently to his nose. Eren groaned and shoved me away lightly before a bright smile broke across his face. 

“You know how much I love this tiny-ass twin bed of yours-”

“Oh fuck you, my parents aren’t paying my fucking rent”, he swatted at me.

Scoffing, I pulled myself out of his bed and padded over to his dresser where I’d haphazardly tossed my glasses the night before. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and blushed when I noticed little marks becoming visible over my collarbones and neck. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to get it into some semblance of a style before giving up. Eren didn’t have the right brand of gel that I used in his apartment. 

By the time Eren was finally dragging himself out his small bed, I’d pulled on my clothes and pushed all thoughts of Eren’s heated touch from my mind. I picked my phone up off the dresser and flipped through messages from my band members before grabbing my jacket.

“Need me to help pack?” Eren scratched at his arm, still devoid of clothing.

“I got everything”.

“Three weeks is a long time”.

“I’ll call you everyday”.

“No you won’t”, Eren rolled his eyes.

“Okay, then whenever I remember”.

“I’ll call you then”.

I narrowed my eyes at him but he just stuck out his tongue. What a child.

“I’ll miss you”, I lowered my voice.

Eren’s entire expression changed. A heavy blush rose to his cheeks and his mouth popped open awkwardly. I always wondered what he’d wanted to say to me while we stood in his doorway, but he’d just closed his mouth and nodded.

After I swung the door open, I was gone down the steps and on my way home. When I left the next day, it’d be the longest time Eren and I had been apart since we started dating. We went to school together, we ate out together and he went to all of my shows. But for the next three weeks, I’d have to call him just to hear his laugh. I’d have to try and imagine the way he usually scrunched up his nose whenever I said I liked him. We’d be apart.

As soon as I finished the first stage two days later I started missing him bad. When I’d stepped onto the stage the night before I’d looked out into the crowd, trying find Eren’s familiar shaggy hair, only to realize he wouldn’t be flipping me off or generally acting rude during my performance. 

I’d forgotten to call him the first night. That was my fault. But the biggest reason we hadn’t talked was because he hadn’t called either. He knew damn well my memory was shit, he’d even said he would call. Eren texted me in the morning asking how I was, but I hadn’t heard from him since. 

Curled up on an uncomfortable hotel couch, I glared at my phone screen. The bottle of beer in my right hand started to slip towards the floor, but I caught it despite the slippery condensation on the glass. I pressed the mouth of the bottle to my lips as a distraction and watched as the once bubbly liquid sloshed each time I swallowed.

“Would you stop moping?” 

“He hates me”, I groaned and slid further down into the couch cushions. “I wanna fucking kill myself”.

“If you say that again, I’m calling your mom”, Connie poked me with the toe of his boot.

I stuck my tongue out at him, an odd habit I’d picked up from Eren in the last few months. Connie just rolled his eyes at me and turned to Marco who was sitting on the bed reading a book with his glasses sliding down his nose. 

“Make him stop”, Connie whined.

“I told you, you should’ve brought more than one pair of ear plugs”, Marco just shrugged and turned the page of his book.

“I wanna fucking jump out the window!” I threw my phone onto the floor and rolled onto my stomach. “I should’ve known no one could ever like a piece of shit like me!”

Shoving my face into the suspicious smelling couch pillows, I let my arm hang haphazardly off the side of the cushions. I could feel beer start to pour onto the carpet but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I deserved to be overdramatic if my boyfriend was ignoring me.

“It’s literally been a day”, Connie hissed before whipping out his own phone. “You’ve been whining all day”.

“Dude, don’t”, Marco got out of bed.

“Dude I gotta, he’s not going to”.

“Connie don’t-”

I snapped my head up as the dial tone was put on speaker. The almost empty bottle I’d been barely holding onto, clunked onto the floor as I shot up at Connie. He’d moved more towards the sleeping area so by the time I’d dragged my heavy body over to him someone had picked up on the other end of the line. I coincidentally tripped over my own feet and face-planted next to the bed. 

“Who the fuck is this?”

That was definitely not my mom’s voice. The voice crackling out from Connie’s stupid Apple product trash was low, rough and sleepy. It sounded so familiar, but my brain was too frazzled to place it.

“Eren, it’s Connie”, Connie jumped onto the bed as Marco sat next to him.

“Sorry for bothering you so late”, Marco piped in.

“It’s three fucking am what the fuck do you fuckers want”, Eren almost growled.

“Jean wants to say hi”, Connie held his phone out for me.

I didn’t move. Connie’s contact picture for Eren was a sleepy bedhead picture I’d sent to him and it made my heart ache. Eren was probably half passed out on his couch with some sci-fi movie still playing as he tried to doze off. He was probably on his side, one hand tangled in his messy hair and the other lazily keeping his phone pressed to his ear.

“Then tell him he can call me”.

The line went dead.

The room was silent except for the rhythmic hum of the cheap AC hanging from the window. Connie’s eyes looked like they were gonna pop out of his skull so I pressed my face into the dirty hotel carpeting. I heard Marco shift off the bed.

“I fucking told you”.

“Eren’s just tired”, Marco soothed crouching beside me.

There wasn’t a point in responding. I knew he was trying to comfort me and I wasn’t in the mood for it. I was drunk and tired and not prepared for Eren to act like a little shit. 

Marco and Connie got me into a bed a little bit after that. I didn’t help much, hanging limp as Marco hoisted me into the single bed in the cramped room. I passed out, my best friend curled against my back and Connie’s obnoxious snoring echoing off the walls. 

When I dragged myself out of bed to pee in the morning with a throbbing headache, I took my phone into the bathroom. I watched my pale reflection squint back at me with red rings around my eyes and too much stubble to play off as forgetting to shave. I flicked my eyes down to my phone screen and saw a single notification.

Hey

Eren had texted me a single “hey” after Connie’d called him before. 

I ignored him for a week.

 

I’m the type to blame myself for most things so of course I felt like shit when I saw that I’d missed his call. It was around two am when I’d checked my phone after a show only to find that Eren had called me. Although he’d only called once, he’d called around when my show had finished. If I hadn’t gone out drinking with an oddly friendly group of fans, I would’ve answered.

My fingers were moving across my phone screen before I could second guess myself. I didn’t need to hear Eren’s voice like I needed water, I just needed to know he was still there. I needed to know he was still real.

“Jean?”, Eren’s sleepy voice rumbled through the speaker.

I popped my mouth open to say something, but caught myself. I couldn’t just apologize for ignoring his texts for five days. I didn’t have an excuse for that. I’d just been acting like a piece of shit because I was mad and-

“Babe are you there?”

“Right here”.

Eren exhaled so heavily I thought his chest would collapse.

“You didn’t answer so I thought-”

“I went to a party, I didn’t see it”, I cut him off.

Eren’s bright laughter brought a warmth to my cheeks as I stood outside the bar in the cool summer night. I could almost see him grinning at me, intense green eyes holding me in place. 

“Are you getting sleep?” Eren’s yawn ended with a soft squeaking noise. 

I hummed and slouched back against the unforgiving brick wall. 

“More than three hours?” I could feel his smile.

“‘M fine”, I breathed listening to him inhale. “Thinkin’ ‘bout you”, I whispered.

I closed my eyes and listened to Eren breathe for a few moments. The distinct sound was still audible over the shouts and boisterous laughing of the bar patrons coming through the windows. 

“Just call me then”.

Pouting, I chewed on my bottom lip. 

“I was gonna but then-”

Eren laughed again over the line, the sound short and abrupt. I slid my phone over to my other ear and cleared my throat. 

“Then what? You didn’t feel like it?”

“I said I’m busy”.

“At parties?”

“Yeah actually, they’re good for networking”, I crossed my arm across my waist. “Not like you ever came with me to one anyway”.

“I’m not about that shit”.

“You should come at least once”.

“Yeah, whatever”, Eren didn’t sound satisfied.

Okay so maybe one time I came home with a bite mark on my neck and Eren was more than a little confused on how it got there. He did not take that one well. I tried to calmly explain to him that I did in fact make out with someone, but that I was really high and it honestly didn’t mean anything. When I feel really in the mood, I sometimes let other people grind on me or whatever. I wasn’t used to coming home to somebody who cared about that kind of thing.

“I’m alone”, I sighed into the dark night.

Eren’s breath audibly caught in his throat over the line. I could hear him fidgeting as he probably adjusted his position on the couch. He was always really awkward about bringing this kind of stuff up. Ever since he’d mentioned that me kissing other people made him uncomfortable, I tried my best to avoid those kinds of situations.

“Where’re Connie and Marco?” he cleared his throat.

“Inside. Marco was pretty engulfed in this convo with the bartender last time I checked”, I ran my tongue over my teeth, another habit I picked up. 

“Why’re you outside? Drink too much?”

“Probably…”, I trailed off staring at my shoes.

“You don’t have to keep up with everyone else”, Eren started.

“I can take care of myself”, I toed at the ground with my converse. “What’re you doing up?”

The sound of Eren grinding his teeth filtered over the phone. It was an habit that appeared not when he was stressed, but when he was thinking. 

“Can’t sleep”, he yawned.

“Dude when was the last time you got off?”

Eren choked and started hacking over the phone. It took him a second to settle and clear his throat.

“When did you-”

“Don’t fucking say it again! What kind of question is that?!” Eren sounded exasperated.

“Just askin’ cuz last night I had a dream about that thing you do when your voice gets all pitchy-”

“Jesus would you knock it off?!” Eren’s bright laugh resonated through my chest.

“Jus’ thinkin’ maybe that’s why you can’t sleep”, I shrugged to myself.

I knew that was part of why I couldn’t sleep. Ever since we started doing this “relationship” thing, I had to get used to not getting laid whenever I felt like it. Eren kept calling me hypersexual but I just kept trying to tell him I was normal. It was just weird that he preferred to sleep over sex.

Eren made a weak, strangled noise without really answering my question so I cackled at his discomfort.

“‘S not…” Eren sighed. “They’ve just been giving me more hours at the shop”.

“So you should sleep”, I offered.

Eren clicked his tongue.

“The bed’s cold and there’s no one to wake me up at the crack of dawn anymore”.

I snorted obnoxiously before covering my mouth. The only people who knew I snorted when I laughed were Marco, Connie, and Eren. I didn’t even think my dad knew. 

“I’ll be back in another week”.

“Six days”, Eren corrected.

“Yeah”.

“Don’t die out there Kirschtein”.

“Go the fuck to sleep asshole”.

Eren laughed again before hanging up. He’d probably smirk down at the phone in his hands before dragging himself off the couch to bed. It took a lot of willpower for him to not just fall asleep where he was when he was tired.

When it was this late and Eren was this sleepy, he sprawled out on his bed and urged himself to sleep. Flopped onto his back, on top of all the blankets and sheets, he’d kick off his pants and rest his hand on his exposed stomach. Most of the time, if he couldn’t get to sleep immediately, it was because he couldn’t get his mind off something. There were times when I’d catch him trailing his hands down the exposed skin of his torso. They’d stop just shy of the waistband of his boxers, paused as he hiked his shirt up over his chest. Eren’s lip would catch between his teeth and his hand would drag his blunt nails up to his chest, stopping abruptly before brushing his fingertips over his nipples. I could never get that heated sigh out of my head. Then when he’d slip his hands into his boxers-

My phone buzzed and I bounced off the brick wall. I dropped my phone from my ear and checked my messages.

From Eren: When did you last get off?

I groaned and shoved my phone into my pocket. Despite my furious blush and heated skin, I decided I was better off in the club and not alone with my thoughts. My fingers were itching to feel warm skin and I desperately needed something in my mouth.

Three cigarettes and a beer still left me anxious after an hour so I ended up choking back a shout of Eren’s name with two fingers in my mouth and my fist moving furiously over my dick in the club’s tiny bathroom. 

The cold hotel shower barely got my mind off Eren. I’d been thinking about him the past few weeks, but hearing his voice had triggered so many images, sounds, and touches...It all rushed back to my head.

I couldn’t wait to get back home.

 

The last six days of the tour I thought I was gonna lose it. I couldn’t sleep because Eren decided to start calling me late and he always kept me up until around 5am. But then all I could think about the next day was how he wouldn’t outright say he missed me, so I couldn’t say it either. We would always dance around the subject. He’d ask me how I was holding up, I’d ask him if anything new happened at home...But we just never got around to saying…I miss you.

 

“Jean, for Christ’s sake will you stop?”

I looked up from my phone to Connie sitting in the passenger’s seat. Marco just kept driving right along as if nothing was happening. My knee that had been bouncing against the back of Connie’s seat froze.

“What?”

“Your damn leg is fucking annoying and you’re muttering”.

My glare intensified at the reflection of Connie’s eyes in the rearview mirror. Pouting, I stopped moving and sat up against the car door. My legs were just long enough to span the entire backseat but I preferred to have one bent at any given time. 

“You’re like an anxious dog”, Connie continued. 

I scrolled through my conversation with Eren he was on his 15 at the shop and apparently it’d been a hectic day. Because of the heat wave back home, a ton of people were coming in with overheated engines and low oil. We’d barely gotten in a good conversation before he had to go. He was gonna meet me at my apartment later and we were gonna look each other in the eyes and...say...something…

“Sorry I’m actively trying to participate in a relationship for once”, I crossed my legs.

“That’s fair”, Marco shrugged.

“Is that what this is? No wonder I’ve never seen this before”, Connie sighed. “It’s usually very one-sided…”.

“Hey! I was trying with Shea!” I picked at a stain on my pants.

Marco caught my eyes in the rearview. My mouth snapped shut. The last time we’d all seen Shea, I was fucked up on lord knows what with that asshole’s shoe pressed into my face. Marco’d had to drag me out of the grimy alley ‘cause I couldn’t even walk right.

“But this relationship’s a real one…”, Marco muttered gripping the steering wheel tightly.

I shrugged and ran my fingers through my hair. It wasn’t like I wasn’t gonna admit I’d made mistakes in my life. I used to be a not-so-great person. I was working on it.

“Eren seems like a good guy too”, Connie rolled down a window and stuck his hand out. “At least not while you two are trying to fight each other”.

“Just take it easy with him okay?” Marco pulled off the interstate. “Don’t actually, y’know, hit each other”.

I nodded and tucked my hands into my pockets. If everything went as planned, Eren and I would be eating dinner in a few hours and then maybe we’d get in the shower-

“It’s been 5 months already”, I hummed. “Wonder when I’ll fuck it up”.

“Jean, you’re not that bad. You just got a few self-destructive tendencies”, Connie pulled his hand back inside.

“I can barely stop smoking for a week”, I muttered.

“But you’re trying”.

I sighed and slumped back down into the seat. Lord knew I was fucking trying.

 

By the time Connie and Marco dropped me off at my apartment with my gear, I was getting antsy. I hauled my stuff upstairs, fumbled for my keys and kicked my door open all the while chewing the hell out of my lip. The poignant taste of iron brought me out of my thoughts.

I dropped my guitar by the door and stepped into the kitchen. Whenever Eren came over, he tossed his keys on the counter and left whatever he was drinking next to them. After a few hours his keys would be sitting in a pool of condensation from some dumb health drink he’d overpaid for.

No Keys.

It took me a week or two to convince Eren that he even needed keys to my place. He thought it was weird that he’d even be in my apartment without me there. I thought of it as his home too.

“Eren?” I called shuffling into the living room.

Eren’s varsity jacket from high school was tossed over the back of my couch, his favorite vans were next to the TV and one of his snapbacks was on the coffee table. The air in the room still smelled strongly of mangoes which he apparently could not get enough of at any given time.

I ran my fingers through my hair and went back to the front door to take off my shoes. I didn’t know what I expected, he wasn’t supposed to just be there waiting on me. Eren wasn’t just gonna run into my arms like he belonged to me or something.

The heavy amp felt like nothing as I easily maneuvered it behind my couch. Walking my guitar to my room, I paused in the doorway. Eren’d made my bed

A shower seemed like a good idea after shoving all my stuff back in its place. I hadn’t noticed, but my AC wasn’t working. After wiping sweat from my forehead a few times, it occurred to me that I couldn’t hear the usual obnoxious buzzing of the fans.

I slipped my shirt up over my head and nudged the bathroom door open with my hip. Seeing my reflection in the mirror made my breath catch in my throat. My bleached out hair looked rattier than usual with locks in the front sticking straight up. Dark brown roots were peeking out, making my whole asymmetrical haircut look messy. The light blue tank top I’d worn at least five times was starting to look faded and frayed at the seams. Dark circles that had formed under my eyes were looking more menacing than they had the day before.

“Fuck”, I scrubbed my fingers through my hair and scratched my scalp, flakes of dandruff fell from between my fingers.

I rubbed at my eyes until they stung, then sighed. I was a goddamned mess. 

After slipping into the steamy water of my shower, I pressed my forehead to the tile under the showerhead. The berating stream of water pounded against my skull beating out a rhythm that kept time with my heart rate. Steam made its way up my nose, making me snort. I lathered up some of Eren’s shampoo and inhaled the evasive scent of dollar store brand that smelled vaguely of sea salt. As I massaged my scalp, I tried to relax my shoulders and relieve the tension throughout my body. The hot water eventually got me sweating again, even as the grease from my hair and dirt from my skin was washed away.

Stepping out of the shower, I toweled dry and pulled some clean boxers over my hips. I shuffled out of the bathroom and into the hallway roughly dragging my damp towel through my damaged hair. Eren still wasn’t home so I wandered back into the living room to look for my phone.

It was getting later into the evening but the summer sun wouldn’t be setting for a good few hours. I plopped myself down on the couch and grabbed my phone off the coffee table. Two hours were wasted updating all my social media with updates from the tour. I only stopped when my phone’s battery crapped out.

My knee was bouncing as I watched the sunset from the apartment’s third story window. I started to tap my fingers on my thigh and dig my nails into my exposed skin. Dragging myself into the kitchen, I stood numbly in front of the refrigerator with the door open before deciding on a bowl of cereal. I got out the milk and pulled the Reese’s Puffs from the cabinet over the sink. I wasn’t about to make real food if Eren wasn’t even here to eat with me.

It occurred to me that he must’ve put not-expired milk into my fridge while I was gone. 

When the cereal was the perfect semi-soggy texture, I wolfed down the entire bowl. The peanut butter taste barely registered before I realized all that was left was gross-looking brown milk.

As I was reaching for the cereal box to pour another bowl, I noticed a small stick-and-poke on the inside of my middle finger. It was kinda faded so I must’ve had it since Junior year of high school. The only way to keep myself in line at the time was to mark shit into my skin.

Right above my second knuckle, I’d tattooed a crappy sunflower that looked more like a sun than anything. I retracted my hand and chewed my lip, looking at the image that used to mean so much to me. I almost forgot I had the damn thing. I shoved the cereal back in its place and went back into the living room. After digging between the couch cushions for a good few minutes, I found what I was looking for. 

The sun had completely set and I’d finished the pack I’d stashed and/or hidden from Eren. There were only like five cigarettes left anyway, and I only really smoked when I was stressed. I tried not to smoke around Eren ‘cause he’d just quit but he still wrinkled his nose at me if I smelled like tar.

I pressed my face into the crook of my elbow and took a deep breath. I was here freaking out all by myself for absolutely no reason. I was already shaking. Eren was just late coming back from the shop and I was being needy wanting him to hold me just like I’d never left. I shouldn’t be so dependent on the guy; I didn’t want to need somebody that bad.

Resting my chin on my arm, I put out my cigarette butt on the window sill. The street lights were all on, almost as bright as the moon peeking out from behind the clouds. There wasn’t the slightest hint of a breeze so every time I inhaled, it just felt like I was breathing in the same air I’d exhaled.

Stuck in a rut of spiraling negative thoughts, the realization that I’d just smoked to keep myself from eating made me wanna slam my head into the wooden window frame. Now I was gonna greet the boyfriend I hadn’t seen in almost a month with the scent of tobacco in my hair. I glared out at the moon before pressing the still warm butt into the back of my hand.

Hissing, I clenched my teeth and pulled it away, observing the small dark mark between my thumb and index finger. This was fucking stupid. I closed my window and tossed the cigarette carton in the kitchen trash. I washed my bowl out and shuffled into my steamy bedroom. Not bothering to take out my contacts, I flopped back onto my bed and wished having my window open actually did something.

The ceiling looked the same as it ever had. Its plain gray paint seemed as drab as ever. I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes. If I drank something, I’d probably pass out but I was kinda off getting drunk for a while. Rubbing the burn mark on my hand with my thumb, I pressed into the sensitive skin. At least I was civilized enough to wait to come home to have a mental breakdown.

 

It was so fucking hot. 

Still half-conscious, I tried to kick my blanket off my legs. It felt like I was tangled up in a mass of stifling heat.

“Ow! Jesus...”

My foot connected with something very solid and not-blanket. My eyes flew open.

I sat up on my elbows and turned to find Eren lying next to me. He was rolled half on his back with his forearm draped haphazardly over his face. Combing his fingers through his hair he pushed it off his forehead and met my gaze. His pretty emerald eyes sparkled in the moonlight filtering in from my bedroom window.

“Well hello to you too”, he grumbled in a sleepy voice.

He smiled.

“What time is it?” I sat up and rubbed my eyes, swallowing thickly.

“Little after 5:30”, Eren stretched his arms over his head and scratched his bare chest.

“A.M.?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Picked up extra hours are my cousin’s store”.

“You didn’t say anything”.

“I called”.

“My phone’s dead”.

“Why were you smoking again?” he reached out for my hand. “What’s wrong?”

I swore his eyes dropped to my new scar, but there was no way he could’ve seen it in the dark.

Turning to the window, I threw my legs off the side of the bed. I groaned and rubbed my hands down my face listening to Eren shift around on the bed. His arms wrapped around my waist and his heated body pressed against my back. The warmth was suffocating.

I slid away from him, toes pushing between the fibers of the shag carpet. Eren didn’t move towards me. I knew I was acting weird, even for me. He hadn’t seen me in weeks, he probably missed me. But I couldn’t even look him in the eye.

“I gotta pee”, I mumbled.

The air was noticeably cooler in my bathroom, I attributed that to the lack of Eren’s unnaturally high body temperature.

I only got to take one good look at myself in the mirror before I heard a knock at the door.

“You okay?”

“‘m fine”.

There was a muted thud against the door as Eren pressed his head to it. He sighed heavily through the wood. I sat down against the tub and held my head in my hands.

“I thought you’d be glad to see me…” Eren lowered his voice.

“I am…” I tangled my fingers in my hair.

“...You locked yourself in the bathroom…”

“It’s not locked”.

The door stayed closed and I watched it carefully. With the lighting in the bathroom, Eren would really see me. He’d see my washed out look, pale skin, and frantic eyes. What kind of man was I to look like missing him had almost killed me when I was the one acting distant?

“Did you eat?” I asked.

“One of the guys at the store bought me a beer”.

“No food dummy”.

“I was gonna cook something for us, but some asshole won’t come out of the bathroom…”

“At 5 am?” 

“You know I only cook for like three people ever and one of them is you”.

I barked out a laugh and rubbed my eyes again. The bathroom door creaked open slowly and Eren slid into the well-lit room keeping his eyes to the floor. His rough feet moved across the linoleum tile until he lowered himself next to me by the tub. He watched my hands carefully as I watched his face.

He’d cut his hair really short again, which meant he’d gotten tired of it getting in his eyes. Eren’s arms were folded on top of his pulled up knees and he seemed to be avoiding my eyes. The wings tattooed on his chest rose and fell rhythmically.

“What happened?” I reached out to touch a new mark on his forearm.

“I, uh, my arm grazed the engine when I popped the hood”, he held his entire arm out for me.

“Why’d you do that? You don’t usually-”

“Just a wee bit distracted…”

“By what?”

“That was the day after you called me”.

Eren caught my hand in has and pulled it towards his face. His lips brushed the back of my hand and pressed gently into my still-tender burn mark. I jerked away but he held firmly to my palm. Like the first time we’d held hands, I felt a little blush rise to my cheeks.

“You can talk to me”, he met my eyes.

“You didn’t call for a week”, I glared at him.

“You didn’t either”, Eren narrowed his eyes back. 

“...I missed you…”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Eren’s face softened.

I muttered inaudibly.

“C’mon Jean, you’re not twelve”.

“’S dumb…I’m not mad…”

“And here I thought you were mad at me or something, jesus”, Eren scooted closer to me and rested his head on my shoulder. 

“...not mad…”, I scratched my nails through his hair. “Just moping”.

“‘Bout what”, he swiped his thumb over the back of my hand again.

“Thought you’d be mad I was smoking…”

“Babe, I just want you to take care of yourself. I’m not mad”, he tilted his head to press his nose into my neck. 

His warm breath tickled my skin.

“You usually yell at me about it”, I scratched behind his ear.

Eren practically purred.

“I only yell at you if you’re being too hard on yourself”.

“So yelling at me more helps?” I raked my fingers across his scalp.

“Shut up, you know I have a bad knee but I got on the damn floor for you”, he huffed.

I bit back a smile.

“I know”.

I wasn’t surprised that he wrinkled his nose at me when I kissed it. However, I was happily caught off guard when Eren grabbed both sides of my face and kissed me.

Many times.

“Don’t hurt yourself baby”, he pressed our foreheads together. “Just...I dunno, talk to me about or something”.

“You’re really not good with talking about that kinda stuff”.

“But I’ll try”.

“Can we get off the floor?” I avoided his gaze. 

“I dunno, will you stop hiding when you’re embarrassed? Scares me…” he threaded our fingers together. 

“So you want me whining to you?”

“‘s not whining…” Eren rolled his eyes and yanked on my arm. “Plus it’s better than the other option”.

“I can’t just bother you whenever I feel like shit”, I groaned.

“Yeah no, you definitely can. ‘Specially since you complain about literally everything else anyway?” 

“Its so needy”.

“Ok look, I would love to sit on the floor and have this delicate discussion with you all night but I feel like your bed is much more comfortable”.

“Hot in there”, I grumbled kissing his shoulder.

“Wanna sleep in the living room with the window open?”

I laughed.

 

We ended up sprawled on the floor, wearing the least amount of clothes possible and hoping not to overheat. Although we’d put out our sleeping bags on the floor, the pillows were tossed to the side after being deemed too hot. 

I blamed that on the fact that Eren would not get off of me, not that I was complaining.

It was nice to know that he could put up with my shit. But like actually put up with me. Sure, I knew he’d be around for a long time but he kept proving time and time again that I wasn’t as annoying as I thought I was. It wasn’t like Eren was all-forgiving or something, I’d definitely almost made him quit a few time but he just...always managed to make me really think about what I was doing. 

“OK who the fuck told you you were needy?”

“First get off me, its already hot as balls”.

“Not until you fucking tell me”.

Eren had me pressed against his chest with his leg hiked up over my hip. At first he kept kissing me when I tried to talk, but apparently now he was interested in hearing me talk.

“You have so much body heat, god!”

“Who said you were needy??” Eren squeezed me.

Pulling out of his arms, I swung my leg over his waist, straddling him. Eren’s eyes bugged out and he just kept blinking up at me, unsure of where to look.

“I did, because I am”, I smoothed my hands across his bare chest, feeling the way his skin broke out in goosebumps despite the heat. “And you just put up with me”.

“I do not put up with you Jean”, his palms slid up my thighs and around my waist. “I’ve never put up with you”.

“Eren, all I do is bother you-”

“What do I have to do to get you to understand that I want you just as bad?” Eren cut me off.

I blinked down at him blankly. He threaded our fingers together and tugged me down towards him. Our breath mixed as our noses bumped, making me gasp.

“It’s not needy to want someone you’re dating”, Eren pressed his lips to mine. “Doesn’t making you dependent jesus christ”,his eyebrows furrowed.

“I know…I know I’m really bad at saying it…but I do really like you. I just don’t say it as much as you do”, he continued.

I pressed my lips together.

“Is that...Is that why you didn’t call or anything?” Eren searched my eyes.

“Sorry”, I blurted.

“For what?”

“I knew you were like that but I, uh, I thought you were getting distant”.

“I don’t like usin’ words”, Eren grumbled. “’s better if I show you, not tell you”.

I hummed and relaxed against his body, feeling his heart race against my chest. He was just as nervous as I was. 

“So who’s twelve now? Can’t use your words?”, I traced my fingertips up his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck.

Eren scowled at me before twisting his hips, effectively maneuvering me onto my back. Pinning my hands above my head, he kissed me.

“At least I know how to talk instead of babbling everything”, he raised an eyebrow.

I scoffed but he kissed me again so I couldn’t say the totally witty retort that he definitely deserved to hear. I was gonna push him off me and start arguing but I was thoroughly distracted by Eren pressing closer between my thighs and sucking at my lip. Surprised, I whimpered before hiking my knees up higher around his waist. Eren just chuckled low against my lips before kissing down my neck and pressing our hips together. A wave of heat rolled through me as my body remembered the phantom touches of Eren.

Threading my fingers through his dark brown hair, I tilted Eren’s head back towards me. I looked into his bright eyes, my words completely forgotten. He was looking at me like he wouldn’t rather look at anything else in the whole world. His gaze promised to smooth out my sharp edges and hold me close to his heart. In two weeks, two months, two years...He’d be there. 

I love you.

“What?” Eren huffed. 

“You’re so pretty”.

Eren just pouted at me and pressed our lips together. 

I’d tell him later.

**Author's Note:**

> hmu kakkoii-ikemen on tumblr


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